Where Have I Been?

Forming New Habits

What’s Been Going On?

Hello.

It’s me.

I’m trying to get back to regular posting again.  I planned on weekly uploads, but this season is proving to be a bit too much so that I will aim for monthly.  

To work through trauma, you have to revisit the trauma.  That brings up old memories and body sensations from when you were in that traumatic moment.  As a result, I have been looking at ways to look after myself in all aspects of my life.

I’m making many changes this year in many different areas, at least for this first part of it, and I will see if anything else changes later in the year post-therapy. 

Mental Health Update

For around the last twelve months, if not longer, we've known that I’ve been struggling mentally.  I stepped back from posting because, at the end of November 2022, I had such a bad mental episode that made me self-refer for more therapy.  The usual waiting list backlog has been made worse by the pandemic, but I guess it’s also good that people ask for the help they need. 

I had a call scheduled in early January to determine recommended treatment. I've been put forward for more CBT, and to make that wait a bit shorter, I said that I was happy to meet with a newly qualified therapist who two more experienced ones oversee. 

Then it was just another waiting game. 

I started therapy on March 17th, St. Patrick’s Day and am having sessions every two to three weeks, depending on my therapist’s and my availability with my work rota.  

We’ve uncovered a lot over the last few months and hopefully got to the root cause of why I believe such negative things about myself.  There have been many things I have remembered in between sessions that I’d forgotten from my childhood that explain so much about why I have the limiting beliefs about myself that I do.  So we’ve explored those, and in the last few sessions, we have begun to rebuild better, healthier, and more positive beliefs about myself.

It’s not been a fun few months for me …  It’s been brutally hard work, but at the same time, so worth it, as well as definitely necessary. 

As of this writing, I have three sessions left, but the last one is always a roundup one rather than a full-on therapy session. I only have two sessions left.  I will be glad when they're over because it's so mentally exhausting in the few days before and after a session.  I will have more time back on one of my days off.

Although the work will continue for me over the next few months to continue working on what we’ve done in therapy, it’s a lifetime task.  I now have better and stronger foundations to build my beliefs and my life going forward. 

Content Creation

I’ve not created much in the way of content since the end of November. I filmed a YouTube video in December but didn’t edit it until months later because I was in a low mood that day. I wasn't sure how good of a video it was.  But because it was filmed on a down day, I felt it was important to edit and share it as part of my story.

I’ve made a few steps to get back to posting on Instagram.  I’ve decided to stop chasing the algorithms on the platforms I post on, not that I was doing that anyway, and post what content I want when I have something I want to share. 

I want to bring the fun back to what content I create and share with less pressure placed on myself about whether it will do well or not.  I’m sharing my journey, so it needs to be much more personal; that’s the best way for others to relate to my being more authentic. 

I’ve recently recorded a couple of new podcast episodes which are now live. I've uploaded some blog posts before this one because I’d forgotten I'd even started this one!  My organisation of what content I am creating and have completed wasn’t the best until recently.  

I looked through my Google Docs and found quite a few half-finished blog posts, so I was surprised about that!  I often start a post in draft form when I have an idea, but I have done more than I thought I had.  I found twenty-five posts, some of which are on similar or even the same subjects, and so I was able to amalgamate some of them together.

I’ve also been using Notion to organise all my blog, podcast and YouTube content.  I can add the Google Docs link into it so that it's much easier to find a podcast script or a blog post I’m in the middle of writing instead of trying to search through Google Docs and try and remember the working title I have for it!  That was a big issue previously because I had no idea what working title I had for a blog or podcast, so I couldn’t easily search or find it amongst all the other documents I have on the go.

I currently (as of writing this) have eleven blog posts on the go.  ELEVEN!!!  Having a notion page dedicated to blogs in progress is SO much easier to see what I'm working on.  Some are only a few notes, so they still need a lot of work to get them to a finished post.

I recently started a Content Kickstarter course by Jo and Co, and as part of it, they give you access to a content creation template to track all the content you’ve made for Instagram.  That’s helping me a lot because I can put the google doc link in for each caption I’ve created.  It’s so much easier because I use my Google Docs for all my written content and then struggle to find it again!  

I’ve been uploading regularly on Fridays over on YouTube, and by the time this blog is out, there should be another podcast out.  Moving forward, I’m aiming for the first Monday of the month to have a new blog post live, and the first Wednesday will have a new podcast live.

That’s the plan.  

I returned to trying to theme my days with what content I’m working on as I did during the lockdowns.  Mondays are editing a YouTube video, Tuesdays are blog writing, and Thursdays are podcast scripting. 

But there’s no specific day for caption writing.  And at the moment, I struggle to know when content needs to be created when.  So, I’ve outlined a plan for August. What content is going live, when and what needs to be done for it. 

If I plan monthly podcasts and blog posts, I have a month to work on them and schedule and create promotional material for them. That gives me a timeframe to work back from. 

I’m wondering if it might be easier to block tasks out weekly, except YouTube editing, which needs to be done weekly. Because my day job rota sometimes changes so, if I have one thing to work on all week, that may be easier. 

I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed when it comes to creating content the last few months, and not having a proper organisation or plan hasn’t helped. So hopefully, these new steps I’m working on implementing will help me feel less overwhelmed and anxious. 

I want to improve at batching content, which means implementing new habits and sticking with them.  And giving myself grace in the transition if it doesn’t always go to plan. 

Healthy Eating

I dislike the word diet, so I have improved my eating habits over the last few months.  I’m meal prepping my evening meals, so that’s much easier and quicker when I get in from work.  It’s already done; I just have to put it all into a bowl and eat it.   

I’m also paying attention to portion sizes, such as afternoon snacks, cereal for supper, and making better choices.  It’s all due to my improving mental health. I’m slowly moving back to wanting to make wiser decisions about what I’m eating, when, and why I am eating it.

By doing this, I’m hoping to start to shift some of the weight I’ve gained over the last few years from being on antidepressants. As well as not making the smartest food choices because I had enough to think about without adding that to the list.

Due to my dislike for cooking, this is working out for me so far, and I am enjoying my evening meals after work because it's all prepared and takes no time to put in a bowl.  There is also a lot less washing up!

I will have to see what I do in the colder months, as I will no doubt want something warmer. I can always get back to my veggie bolognese, which I’d got out of making the past few winters.  It’s something that I batch cook and then freeze into portions to defrost and reheat when needed. So it also won’t take too long to make it when I get in from work. It’s also my winter comfort food! 

I also recently remembered about a bean mixture I used to make that a friend at my previous work gave me the recipe for.  It has black beans, kidney beans, and corn, and it's served with rice.  It was so warming, tasty and filling that I will have to root out that recipe again and then make a few batches of that as well over the winter.

Growing in my Faith

Since I started using the YouVersion Bible app a few years ago, I’d been marking various devotionals to do ‘later’, but later never came.  I forgot all about them until I realised I could do them in the evening.  

I was looking at ways to spend less time watching things online, even faith-based things, which had replaced the secular content I used to binge-watch. 

I found it too easy to binge-watch things on YouTube or other Christian-based content, which isn’t necessarily building my faith.  And it certainly wasn’t helping me get to know God more or allowing me to understand Him more. 

To do that, I have to read the Bible and spend meaningful time with Him, not half-hearted time. 

As part of my morning quiet time, I’ve reimplemented something I used to do: just writing out my thoughts in my journal.  I got out of the habit of this when I started listening to a daily devotional podcast. 

While journaling one morning recently, I realised that I could do devotions in the evening after my tea, the pots are washed, my breakfast is made for the next morning and lunch is made if it’s a work day. 

I wrote that I could also watch online sermons, listen to worship music, journal, read my Bible, or pray.  I have already completed one devotional on the app in July and have another one on the go! 

I also have some devotional books I can use in the evening. Like, New Morning Mercies, Jesus Calling, and a couple of recent purchases are Get Out of Your Head Study and Live on Purpose. 

I allow myself one YouTube video or episode of a faith-based TV show, and then I get my journal or Bible out and spend some time with God for a few hours. 

I do a devotional, then sometimes do a bible study of the scripture the devotional was based on. Other times, I just journal.  It’s all a work in progress because I’m trying to form a new habit.  It will take time and most likely will depend on what I need on the day as to what I do.

Things Take Time

I’ve been needing a lot more sleep the past few months than I typically do in summer, which I’m putting down to working through my past trauma, which is mentally exhausting.  I can easily sleep for 8-9 hours some nights!

I’m looking at ways to carve out space to ‘be.’  Not doing anything too tasking so I can rest more throughout my day, so I’m not as exhausted on my days off, but also finding more time to spend with God.   

New habits take time and trial and error.  The changes I’ve made so far have been helping me so much, and it’s a matter of evaluating them and tweaking them as needed. 

A few other changes I’ve made include; spending a few minutes outside in the garden while my cup of tea brews and, as I’ve mentioned above, my evening quiet time before heading to bed to read my Kindle.

As a result, I have read SO many more books this year, and I recently did a month's free trial of Kindle Unlimited.  I decided it was worth the money for the number of books I was reading, although the selection of the books may not suit everyone.  

I have managed to find a few suitable authors to read, including a few new to me Christian authors.  Comment below if you would be interested in a post about what books I’ve read this year.  Not all have been by Christian authors, and I recently read two from an author where the first one was suitable, but the second one was a bit racy in places!   I’m not against that in books, but I don’t want to read it this season.

Going Forward

For the remainder of this year, I will continue working on these new habits I have been forming and seeing where they all lead me.  I have to remember that some days will be harder to do than others and to give myself grace on those days.  

I’m still healing from a lifetime of trauma, which is difficult in itself.  Adding in trying to learn new things is a lot to ask.  But I know these habits will help me feel less overwhelmed and more productive in the long run.  

Don’t forget to comment below if you’d like a post on the books I’ve read this year and also what habits you’ve formed this year.