To work through trauma, you have to revisit the trauma. That brings up old memories and body sensations from when you were in that traumatic moment. As a result, I have been looking at ways to look after myself in all aspects of my life.

I’m making many changes this year in many different areas, at least for this first part of it, and I will see if anything else changes later in the year post-therapy.

One day a few weeks ago I was feeling undeniably triggered by some up and coming interactions I was needing to have. I may have been extra sensitive because of some changes going on at work, but either way, one day I ended up in tears. I was just so overwhelmed and unclear about what to do. So I cried. Then I journaled about what was coming up for me in those situations. I followed that up by texting a few friends who would help me at that moment and over the next few days on either side of one of the interactions I was dreading.

One of the main tools in my mental health toolbox that I've used for over thirteen years now, is to take it day by day. One day everything is amazing and then another day nothing is good, so it makes life easier to handle if we break it down into smaller chunks of time. In the last few weeks during this third lockdown, I've begun focusing on the day and week I'm in. Anything more than that and I'm far too overwhelmed.

It's been a while again since I posted on my blog. If you've read any of my recent posts or follow me over on Instagram here you will be aware that I've been struggling with my mental health again for the last year and that I'm also currently undergoing CBT sessions with a therapist.

Yesterday I had a bad day. My anxiety was high, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was tired, and I really didn't want to go into work all day. I was on day two of eight consecutive days which is never good for me as I don't get proper rest and get more and more tired anxious and grumpy as the days go on. No one likes grumpy Carol.

I've fallen another day behind. Not that I think there is a falling behind with a self-chosen challenge. It's been a tough few weeks with things going on at work and this week while I've been off my anxiety has been overwhelming. It's been all I can to try and get through the days as best I can by working on lessening my symptoms. Today I'm feeling a bit better and I am more able to share things with you within these blog posts. Some times we need a bit of distance out the other side of things we're going through before we are able to share.

I'm not one for savoury snacks as I have a sweet tooth, my go-to flavour of crisps, however, are lightly salted. I've been avoiding adding salt to my meals where possible so for example, if I have chips, then I don't add salt to them.

There are a few of the prompts for May, Myself and I that I'd not looking forward to and this is one of them ... There are so many different interpretations for these words that it's really difficult to know what I would like to or more likely need to write about. As with the Blurt Foundation Self-Careathon last year, I may not know what I'm going to write until I'm sat in front of the keyboard, and that's exactly what just happened. I've been putting off starting this post today because I don't know which sort of star I was going to talk about.

Today is the start of Carrie Hope Fletcher's May Vlog challenge May, Myself and I where I have decided to blog the prompts her Instagram followers suggested to her when she asked them for ideas. If you haven't read my post from yesterday she invited her followers and subscribers to join in and tweet, write stories, poems, blog, make videos or whatever but to just create something based on the prompts that she shared.