A lot has changed in the two years since I was baptised as an adult. Why have I stopped consuming a lot of secular content? Because I was led to. Read this blog post to find out what else I was led to change over the last few years.

I find that when I’m binge-watching something, I’m avoiding something. Instead, I could sit in my thoughts with my journal and unpick what’s going on to help heal myself more. Don’t get me wrong, I still binge-watch things, as that’s sometimes the best option in the moment, but it's become a bad habit for me. It used to be helpful, and now I’m finding it difficult to stop it and confront my thoughts which would help me more.

We as non-believers search and search to feel filled and made whole from external sources such as drink, sex, money and adoration from others. But all along we need to look inside of us to find Jesus, who was there all along waiting patiently for us to realise that He alone fulfils us.

I’ve noticed myself having feelings of jealousy towards women who have a boyfriend, fiancee or husband. Followed by thoughts of unworthiness because I don't have any one of those, and will I ever have that? Some days I'm okay with knowing I may never experience that, and other days I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me.

Will I be alone forever?

I gave my life to Jesus because He has helped me SO much not only since late 2019 but also, looking back I know now that He has ALWAYS been with me throughout my life. Even when I acknowledge Him like I do now or even didn’t know Him as I do now.

We’re all so used to being busy, busy, busy = Martha. That we forget to sit, be quiet and spend time with Jesus = Mary. Yes, things need to be done; the never-ending laundry pile, the food shop, the cleaning and tidying … But, we also NEED to spend time with Jesus.

Even though it’s difficult to see if God works in the waiting. The waiting isn’t wasted even though it feels like it is being wasted. He is working for us in us and through us. We have to trust in him in those moments of apparent abandonment from him. So again hope in the waiting.

It feels like he’s preparing me for something although obviously, I’ve no idea what. Trust used to be the word that would come up for me so many times I feel I’ve conquered that a lot more this past year and past few months. I put in my trust in him daily and made a concerted effort to put my trust in him to switch my mindset to trust him to know that he has my best interests at heart.

A friend commented the following; ‘Power of prayer. Is prayer a moment of self-reflection which helps with your mental health? In a world where we never stop and think about things, does prayer help fill that need?’ I loved this suggestion! So much so that I didn’t want to rush into a half-hearted answer, it needs to be given time to give the topic justice.

When my thoughts are spiralling and my anxiety is beginning to overwhelm me, prayer helps me with my mental health as it calms me down when I pray. It re-centres me and brings me back into the moment instead of focusing on maybe’s and what if’s.

I’m so pleased that I’ve now been baptised by my choice, I was nervous before it but now, I am so energized!! I can’t wait to see what God does through me in the future.