This post started as notes on my phone after chatting with a friend on Instagram back in June 2020. She'd posed the question on her stories a few days earlier about feeling the pressure to buy a home as an adult, instead of renting a place.

I replied with "It's what society expects; marriage, kids and a mortgage, although not necessarily in that order." And when she agreed I added, "So if we don't have one or any we feel like we're failing. Even though we're not."

We all know how crazy 2020 was and for someone like me who was already in a mental health dip, it was a very gruelling year. I know many people were in the same boat as me over the last twelve months, and now we have an enormous amount of boats surrounding us. There's almost too many to count.

So, I thought it might be useful if I shared some of the things that have helped me over the last twelve months as I've worked on my anxiety, depression and PTSD.

As a kid I wasn't the most outgoing, I was shy and quiet. I had a few friends but as I moved around a lot due to my dad being in the army, we never managed to stay in touch. This was the days before the Internet, social media and mobile phones. To stay in touch we had to write letters or *gasp shock* call people and actually speak to the other person at the end of the phone line! I mean. The horror!!!

Late last year, I was asked by one of the pastors at my church if I would share my testimony as part of a message where it would be an essential part of it. I said I would think about it as it involves domestic abuse trauma from my past that I'm still working through.

After the November lockdown, the UK government came out with a tier system for England as different areas had different rates of infections, so needed individual rules about what we could and couldn't do. The lower the tier number the lower the covid number so the more you're able to do.

Christmas for most people looked very different in 2020. It was my first ever one entirely in my own home and also the first one where I didn't see any of my family in person because of the COVID-19 government guidelines here in the UK. My mum is classed as vulnerable so I stayed away in order to help keep her safe and healthy. I usually spend a couple of days at her house from Christmas Eve until Boxing Day. So, as I was unable to do that this year, I decided to make my Christmas as special as I could.

I know 2020 was very difficult for everyone and I’m certainly not dismissing that.  I had a tough year just like everyone else.  I lost someone close to me from COVID-19, spent the first eleven weeks of the first UK lockdown completely alone and then went on to spend the majority of 2020 on my own.  I haven't seen any family since March 6 2020 and I went through more therapy for past trauma.

I originally wrote this last year but for some reason, I never got round to posting it. This is what my Christmas has looked like for the last few years but with COVID-19 around this year, it's going to look very different. My mum is vulnerable so my mum, brother and I have decided that I won't visit at all this year and we'll have a virtual Christmas instead.

Since December 2014, I have taken part in Susannah Conway's free Instagram challenge December Reflections posting a photo a day for the whole month based off prompts she gives out around the end of November. Some years I've been more successful than others in posting but where I work, December is one of our busiest months and as a consequence sometimes the month gets away from me and I don't always end up posting as much as I'd like.