Self-Worth

I have been talking with a few friends recently, about how I always undersell myself.  I am my own worst critic.  I think that as my confidence within myself grows while I’m working in my new job, and with little to no anxiety, that my ability to see my self worth will increase.  

I’ve been at work for nine weeks but only actively selling for the last six so I’m trying to not be so hard on myself and how I feel my progress is going.  I’m still learning and I’ve got a few more weeks of my training to go, and I’d like to think that I will pass it no problem.

The other night as I was cleaning my teeth before bed, I had a thought that I need to know my own self worth before I get into another romantic relationship and that’s maybe what my new job is teaching me; to learn, know and come to accept my true self-worth.  Not the lies that I have been told my whole life about not being good enough, pretty enough or clever enough.

My last work appraisal was about five years ago!  So I’ve had no real gauge about how I’ve been doing or what areas I needed to work on to improve.  Even though the manager always seemed pleased with my work, it would’ve been nice to have appraisals to know how I was doing overall, the good and the bad.

During the training of my new role, I receive weekly feedback and also monthly ones from the manager.  The monthly reviews carry on after the training and graduation period. My manager also gives me feedback throughout the shift if he’s spotted something that I could improve on.

Don’t forget to look for the beauty in your day when you’re struggling

My confidence has had a bit of a knockback the past month which is a result of my anxiety increasing. I’ve mentioned a few times how while undergoing my training for the sales job, I am also undergoing the opening and closing training which is part of my job, and which I shouldn’t be doing yet as I’ve not passed my graduation. My manager had to get authorisation from our divisional manager to train me as one of the staff is off on a few weeks holiday at the moment, so needs must. It was either train me early or pay travel expenses for another member of staff to cover.

I should be focusing on the amazing opportunity this is and how much belief the manager must have in me and my skills, but because of how I’m currently wired, all I can focus on is how badly I’ve been doing with not hitting my targets the past few weeks Especially after doing so amazingly well with the first week, but it was a low target before increasing each week to the realistic ones I’ll be having when I pass my training.

It’s often the case with me though that one bad thing will happen or something won’t go my way and then that's all I can focus on so then that leads to more negative thoughts and then more things don’t work out and it reaffirms that I’m not good enough, clever enough etc. But it’s only because I’m in that negative mindset that I see those things.

Earlier this week while I was doing my journaling in my quiet time, I remembered a sentence I’d written on a previous page;

““Need to build my confidence and self-belief in myself somehow.””

— Carol Williams' Journal

So I went to google and noted a few things down that could help me, and then I found this article called ‘Improve Your Confidence’ on Tony Robbin’s website. I made over six pages of notes in my journal from this and it reminded me about the ‘fake it till you make it’ mentality that I’ve used so many times over the last thirteen years.

I think that the main points from the article for me to look at are;

“3. PRACTICE POSITIVE THINKING

Feeling confident starts from within with positive thinking. When you’re building confidence, learn how to reframe your mindset to start thinking more positively and feel more self-assured as a result. First examine your limiting beliefs – the stories we tell ourselves about who we are. Are you nervous in social situations because you’ve always told yourself you’re shy? Do you tell yourself you could never be brave enough for public speaking? These beliefs are only holding you back from a life of confidence.

If you find yourself asking negative, limiting questions when it’s time to be confident, stop yourself. Think something positive about yourself instead, and begin focusing on all the reasons you’ll succeed instead of why you’ll fail. It may feel awkward at first – but the more you repeat positive self-talk, the more you’ll believe it. Once you build this habit, you’ll be able to view setbacks as stepping stones to success. 

4. CHANGE YOUR PHYSIOLOGY

Even if you don’t feel confident all the time, you can appear confident when needed by adjusting your body language. Research suggests that, when you project confidence through your actions, the degree to which you “feel” those actions makes the confidence feel real, too. You can “trick” your brain into feeling confident.

To put this principle into action, tell yourself you’re capable of achieving your goal. Take a deep breath and throw your shoulders back. You can even adopt a power pose, like putting your hands on your hips. Focus on feeling the confidence you’re projecting. With practice, building confidence becomes natural.” *

These past few weeks I’ve seen and felt an improvement within myself from all the work I’ve been doing to help myself lately. I’m happier, my confidence is coming back, and my sales at work are better again. I’m still not feeling very sociable for whatever reason but that’s okay, it will come back. It also included the couple of days that I was in charge at work, so that meant two full 8 hour days when I’ve not worked a full day in a few years and also not been in charge for over a decade! So I’m being more gentle with myself this week and listening to what I need at this time more.

I started writing this post on May 26th and it’s been so close to being posted every week since, but I’ve not been able to. I think that because I’m still so within this struggle and I’m still working on my self-worth that I’ve not been sure if I should post this yet. But, I think it still needs to be published because then I will be able to see my progress in the next few months.

As a friend pointed out to me, it’s been a huge time of transition for me so there’s bound to be a period of adjustment. It’s okay to go slow, to take time to rest and to take a few steps back at times like this. In fact, I’d say that it’s imperative!

*From the article Improve Your Confidence from Tony Robbins’ website.