How My Anxiety Affects Me
And What I’m Doing To Lower My Anxiety
In September I had a week off taking some holiday and I spent a few of those days with higher anxiety. I had to drive my car to the garage on the Tuesday for its MOT and service when I’ve only driven to the supermarket since March 23 last year. My anxiety is fed from the unknowns of what MIGHT happen in a situation, driving somewhere I've not driven before or for a while and seeing someone who triggers me and worrying about what comments they might say to me.
I could be going about my day and then a thought pops into my head about having to drive somewhere I’ve not been in over a year and my anxiety starts to rise. My heart beats faster, my breaths are quicker and shallower, my shoulder muscles tighten and I start to clench my jaw.
It’s not the nicest of things to experience but it is also something I am unfortunately so very used to.
It soon came time to drive to the garage, I got there, along roads I’ve driven many times before got the bus back into town where I ran errands before heading home, all without incident. So what was the point of worrying? Of playing those negative ‘what if’s’? Absolutely none, but that’s not how anxiety works.
Our minds take over our thoughts, our fight or flight response kicks into overdrive and our brain looks at how to keep us safe in whatever situation we are approaching. It isn’t always rational, it can be too cautious and it ends up hindering us instead.
I’ve discovered that if I focus on something that I need to do, and if it’s creating anxiety, that f I stop thinking about it, I’m much more likely to execute that task. The same day that I drove to the garage on my week off, I also drove to my first Bible Group which is held at one of the pastor’s homes. Even though I have been a part of the group for over a year, due to the virus that shall not be named, it’s been on Zoom for most of the last year.
During the days leading up to that Tuesday, I would think about driving to the group and my anxiety would start to rise. So, what do I do in these situations? If I find myself thinking about it I stop myself and focus on something else. Then when it's time to do the thing, I'm much more likely to just do it without thinking.
It hasn't been easy to train myself to do this, it's taken years and is still very much a work in progress.
When my anxiety rises I avoid doing things, going places and contacting people, I retreat into myself and hide away from the world. I know it’s not healthy but it’s self-preservation mode for me, when I’m in that moment, there's not really anything I can do to stop it.
I'm getting better at noticing when I’m hiding myself away and I have a few friends that check on me if they’ve not heard from me for a little bit. I think that it’s because my anxiety is rising and I’m feeling so overwhelmed by it that I can't deal with normal day-to-day things. So instead of dealing with and facing it, I avoid it. Which isn’t healthy and it certainly isn’t helpful.
Something else that I do as well is, I overspend. Retail therapy when you’re anxious it’s not a good thing because you buy things that you don’t necessarily need and then you worry about it. I only realised this recently within the past few months. Another thing I'm aware of and that I’m trying to work on is this behaviour and this reaction. It’s not going to be easy because it’s so second nature but it definitely needs fixing. It’s not healthy for my mind and it’s certainly not healthy for my bank balance.
I had a thought recently one morning while I was getting ready for work about my overspending and how it keeps me in a state of lack and worry. Then I realised that it's from the devil. He wants to keep me from a place of abundance and in a place of lack because he has more control over me when I'm in that place. He isn’t at all pleased that I’m not listening to him anywhere near as much as I once was and that he’s no longer ruling my life.
I was chatting with an Instagram friend recently after she had shared on her grid about her overspending, and I realised that I tend to do it when things are happening in my life that are beyond my control. So, to try and regain some sense of control I spend money, but I’m not really in control. It’s a false sense of control.
Now that I’ve recognised this pattern, what am I doing about it?
I’m trying to be much more aware of what I’m spending my money on and how I’m feeling when I’m looking at buying something. What’s going on in my life? Am I feeling anxious about something? Every time I find myself on a retail website, and I’m putting things in the basket, I ask myself; do I really need what I’m buying? Or do I just think that I need those items?
More often than not I don't need them, so I don't buy them and instead, I empty the basket and close down the webpage. I’m not always going to be this successful as hitting the payment option is something that I am so used to doing, that it feels wrong to not do it. But the more that I don’t hit ‘pay now’, that will become the newly learned behaviour that I’m looking for and so second nature to replace the negative ones I currently have.
What things are you doing to help you with your anxiety?
