First Post of 2020

Update

*this was originally typed up on January 18th and even though I'd finished it, I never got round to checking it and scheduling it to post.

It’s been a crazy last few months and I’ve really been struggling. I suffer from seasonal depression and because my moods were already low from my depression, anxiety and PTSD flashbacks, I’ve been finding it a real battle to be motivated to do anything the past few months.

I’ve been very quick to find an excuse to not do something and tell myself I’ll do it another day. This isn’t always a successful trick ... As I’m sat here typing this, there’s a bag next to the sofa that still has the Christmas gifts I got three weeks ago and brought back from my mums. They need to be put away and are usually done by now. 

I’m sleeping so much more than usual, I’m getting an average of 9 hours sleep a night compared to 8 1/2 hours at this time last year. Friday night I slept for 9 1/2 hours!!!

I know I started this blog to talk about my mental health and I will continue to do that, but sometimes it’s a matter of survival and I just need to take a step back and take some time to myself to work out what’s going on and what I can do to help myself. 

I’m still waiting for CBT, that’s due in the next couple of months (fingers crossed) so I’ve needed to take a step back from posting in here to take some time during the busy time of year for me. I always need to be more gentle with myself during the winter months and so that’s what I’ve been doing. 

It's okay if things take a bit more time.  It's okay if you don't always make the best dietary choices.  It's okay if you need a bit more sleep.  It's all okay.  Whatever you need to do to take care of your self.  This is all temporary and know, that you will feel better one day and so you will also do better one day.  

Do not be hard on yourself.

You are doing what you can to get through the day and sometimes that means; getting back into some pj's after your morning shower, having a few more treat foods than usual, binge-watching a box set and napping for a few hours in the afternoon.  Whatever you need to do, (as long as it's not illegal or damaging to your physical or mental health) then do it.  

Remember, tomorrow is a new day and after a night's sleep, you may wake up feeling a tiny bit better that you felt today.  and if you don't, it's also okay to ask for help, from friends, family and professionals.

Just know that it will pass.  You will have better days.  

You are stronger than you think.