I find that when I’m binge-watching something, I’m avoiding something. Instead, I could sit in my thoughts with my journal and unpick what’s going on to help heal myself more. Don’t get me wrong, I still binge-watch things, as that’s sometimes the best option in the moment, but it's become a bad habit for me. It used to be helpful, and now I’m finding it difficult to stop it and confront my thoughts which would help me more.

I’ve noticed myself having feelings of jealousy towards women who have a boyfriend, fiancee or husband. Followed by thoughts of unworthiness because I don't have any one of those, and will I ever have that? Some days I'm okay with knowing I may never experience that, and other days I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me.

Will I be alone forever?

We’re all so used to being busy, busy, busy = Martha. That we forget to sit, be quiet and spend time with Jesus = Mary. Yes, things need to be done; the never-ending laundry pile, the food shop, the cleaning and tidying … But, we also NEED to spend time with Jesus.

Even though it’s difficult to see if God works in the waiting. The waiting isn’t wasted even though it feels like it is being wasted. He is working for us in us and through us. We have to trust in him in those moments of apparent abandonment from him. So again hope in the waiting.

It feels like he’s preparing me for something although obviously, I’ve no idea what. Trust used to be the word that would come up for me so many times I feel I’ve conquered that a lot more this past year and past few months. I put in my trust in him daily and made a concerted effort to put my trust in him to switch my mindset to trust him to know that he has my best interests at heart.

I’m so pleased that I’ve now been baptised by my choice, I was nervous before it but now, I am so energized!! I can’t wait to see what God does through me in the future.

The first few weeks of February were tough for me. There’s been a lot going on and one more thing made my mood dip. I’ve been feeling really alone lately because the only person I’m seeing regularly is my housemate and I’m missing seeing all the other faces from my life.