May, Myself and I; Black and White

I'm now five prompts late as it were.  I needed a few days this week to just catch my breath and sort my head out a bit more after last week where I was really struggling.  I thank you for still reading my posts and for supporting me by doing so.  It is really appreciated.

I'm feeling much better this weekend and more like my normal.  It took a couple of days of morning gratitude, meditation and journaling.  Of taking a few steps back from putting too much pressure on myself to write a couple of posts to get back up to date on the May Myself and I challenge.  A week of self-care, of self-love and now I'm able to share with you all again.

Black and white.  All or nothing. Good or bad.  No middle ground.  Or is there?  The fun and reality of life in the grey and middle ground.  I've been trying to over-control a lot of things for the last ten years because I wasn't the controller of the ten years of my life previous to that.  But, it's impossible to control everything.  And it's exhausting.  I can only control my thoughts, actions and behaviours as I go about my life.  

I'm slowly resigning myself to lessening my grip on the control I've had on my life; trying to keep people in it, trying to make specific things happen, trying to make certain people like me ...  It's not possible to do any of these things and if I'm the true believer in things happen for a reason then if it doesn't happen, it's not meant for me.  

I've applied for jobs that I never got, I've asked people out who declined my invitation, friends have left my life and it's all because none of those jobs or those people were meant to be in my life as I would have liked. The Universe had other plans and has other dreams for me that I'm not aware of yet.  

I'm no longer chasing after people, stressing over things and not forcing situations.  I'm very much in the trial and error phase and will no doubt take a few stumbles but I'm going to preserver and learn to live in the grey of life.  To love and embrace the grey of the day and see where I and my life is taken.