A Journey of Transformation, Faith, and Personal Evolution

*Disclaimer

I need to point out that, I’m not saying all believers need to do these things that I share in this blog post, I’m just sharing my experiences with what God is leading me to do and to stop doing.

Growing up

I’m as surprised as anyone that I’m now a Christian, even though I went to Sunday school as a kid and we went to church when I was growing up. I was baptised as a baby and confirmed when I reached that age.

But as I grew older my family stopped going to church and I wasn’t much a fan of sitting in a big draughty church, singing hymns I didn’t know the words or tune for. I never understood what the sermon was about and didn’t like the taste of the wine for communion.

As a teenager, I became interested in tarot cards and even as recently as within the last 10 years I’d bought a few new packs. By then I was using them more as guidance for things I needed help with.

I’ve NEVER used them for fortune-telling.

And I’ve NEVER read anyone else’s cards.

I stopped using them a few years before God started pursuing me during the summer of 2019. I don’t know what made me not be drawn to them but then again, I didn’t use them that often anyway, maybe a few times a year. If that.

I even have some Runes somewhere and in my 30’s I had a stylised Runic symbol for protection tattooed on my back, so that I was always protected. Not realising that God was always watching over me, because if He was there, then why did all the bad things happen to me?

A Bit of Background

Why have I stopped watching secular shows and films?

Early in my Christian walk, after I started watching online sermons I created a playlist of the songs I heard the worship team that the online sermons were playing at the beginning of the service. This playlist grew once I joined a physical church so I could learn the words of the songs. Soon, it was the only playlist I was listening to!

The only secular music I listen to now is what gets played at work, when I’m in shops what’s on a YouTube video I’m watching, or when I’m editing a video.

Then during last year, I was promoted to stop watching secular TV and films and then towards the end of last year to stop reading secular books.

It’s all happened gradually, it feels as though God is slowly stripping me of my secular distractions and in a way crutches of things that have anchored me to the secular world.

He wants to spend more time with me but instead of stopping everything all at once, because He’s patient and knows my trust issues, He’s taking His time. Gently but persistently nudging me until I’m ready to make the change.

Recent Revelations

I realised recently that it's been over a year since I stopped watching secular TV shows, and I haven’t missed them!

I used to watch NCIS, Chicago Med, Chicago Fire, Chicago PD, 9-1-1, and 9-1-1 Lone Star. I also watched the first season of And Just Like That, the sequel to Sex In The City. I watched the first new season of CSI Vegas, as the original show; CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is what got me into watching American drama shows.

When I noticed that my anxiety was getting worse last year, with watching drama shows, around the middle of last year, I stopped watching the Chicago and 9-1-1 shows halfway through the season.

It started as a trial to see what happened and if it made a difference. It did. I don’t miss them! So much so that at the end of 2022, I cancelled all my streaming platforms like Netflix, Disney+ and NowTV.

So, do I miss normal TV?

No, I actually don’t. It’s not like I would put the TV on and watch anything, I only watched the shows I mentioned above on catch-up, and as they increased my anxiety, what’s to miss if I feel better for not watching them?

I recognised that I had a choice about what I watched and didn't have to watch anything that was making me feel anxious. Why do something if it’s making your anxiety worse and you don’t have to do it? Why put yourself through something unnecessarily?

The only TV show I watch now is The Chosen, the most successful crowdfunded TV show. It is a multi-season show that portrays the life of Jesus, His ministry and the disciples and others mentioned in the New Testament. I’ve also begun to watch shows on TBN UK which are also faith-based.

The only secular things I now watch are a few vloggers on YouTube and the NFL. Gotta still watch my American Football!! Go 9ers!!!!!!

What do I do instead?

I’m trying to watch only one YouTube video while I eat my tea and then switch my laptop off.

Instead of mindlessly watching things online every night, I’m wanting to journal, read and study the Bible, or do a devotional. I use my iPad for this if I’m doing one on YouVersion and I also have a few devotional books.

Do I really only listen to worship music? Yes. If I can. It’s the only playlist I put on, and I often add more songs.

Sometimes I watch a faith-based TV show like The Chosen or one of the programs on TBN UK which I have recently discovered. There are a few shows by Rabbi Jason Sobel, a messianic Jewish Rabbi who’s someone who helps the show be accurate with what it portrays.

Or I journal or do a devotional. It’s very much still a work in progress as I’m slowly learning to let go of worldly things and distractions so I can learn to know God better. This will help me discern His voice from the enemies.

Binge-watching things is sometimes needed though if I don’t have the mental capacity or physical or emotional energy to do much more than that. That’s okay, but I have to try and make sure that I don’t slip back into the old familiar habits of doing it every night.

I feel that the darker days are perfect for trying to make this into a habit because I always get more introspective and reflective during autumn and winter.

What Else Has Changed?

Last year I stopped painting my toenails as I’ve done for decades. Even though only I would see them, it wasn’t something I wanted to continue doing.

I’m dressing more modestly, with no more revealing or low-cut tops and no more ripped jeans. Some of the jeans I wore had holes up near the front pockets and on my thighs, and they were the ones I wasn’t comfortable wearing.

At the beginning of September, I was led to remove my bracelets, to only wear one necklace which has a cross and a St. Christopher on it, to remove some rings off my fingers and to take off my toe rings. I’ve worn the toe rings for years!!

I’ve had no nudges about my earrings as of yet, apart from the possibility of switching out the earrings I have and switching them for changeable ones. The ones I have aren't removable unless I unscrew the ball at the bottom.

But taking my current ones out would mean picking what earrings to wear every day as well as the cost of buying new earrings to wear. The earrings I have currently are therefore more cost-effective and less time-consuming in the morning.

I’ve cleared out all clothing that is no longer suitable for my new Christian life. This includes t-shirts that don’t fit and jumpers that have skulls on, I bought them a few years ago because pre-Christian Carol was a rock chick.

My favourite artists to listen to within the last decade were Green Day, Avenged Sevenfold, and P!nk. I also listened to Adele and Ed Sheeran before only playing my worship playlist from late 2019. I’ve also sorted out all my Harry Potter clothes to be donated! *insert shocked face emoji

I’ve not drunk alcohol in almost five years, and the few years leading up to that I didn’t drink much. Maybe once or twice a year, for work’s Christmas meal and one at Christmas.

When I was in my late teens and I started going out to pubs and clubs I would only have a few drinks. After I left my ex and I started to go out again I would sometimes drink more but never to an excess.

I would sometimes wake up with a hangover and I soon got fed up with effectively wasting most of the next day recovering and feeling sorry for myself. Even though I was the one who chose to drink.

That’s when I began to cut back on my drinking and alternated between an alcoholic drink and a glass of lemonade or coke when I did go out. I was a Vodka drinker then and always had the glass topped with the mixer. That way when it was just the soft drink, no one could tell. Not that it matters.

Recent convictions

Over the last few months, I’ve not been listening to the Mornings with the Masters podcast. I’ve noticed that my quiet time is predominantly filled up with me writing out a lot from the devotional. So much so that I’m not reading the Bible because I run out of time before having to leave for work. I was prioritising the devotional which is someone’s interpretation of God's Word over God’s Word. My priorities were all wrong.

So, I’m switching things up. I’m listening to the devotional on the podcast app instead of watching it on YouTube and I’m trying to remember to play an episode when I’m walking to work. After my journal time, I want to read my bible.

I can also listen to the podcast on my lunch breaks at work and even when I’m washing the pots. There are plenty of other opportunities to listen to it.

The Mornings with the Masters podcast started about a year after I started going to church and was a way for me to start learning about God. As it was also on over the last UK lockdown during January to April 2021 when I had all day to do things and listening and writing the devotional out wasn’t as big of an issue.

But, I’ve realised recently, there’s no substitute for actually reading His word. Which I was avoiding because it seemed so daunting. It still seems so daunting. Once you’ve read the Gospels, then what do you read? I’m someone who as soon as I have a new interest I feel like I need to know as much about it as soon as possible.

But also, if I’m struggling with an issue because I don’t know the Bible well enough yet, I don’t know where to find God’s guidance for me without asking Google first. As with anything I do, I want to be the best I can right now and I want to know everything now, but that’s so unrealistic.

That’s not going to work with the bible though as it’s a lifelong process. You can probably read the same verse every day and get something different from it depending on the season you’re in, and even how much sleep you had last night.

Some of the Old Testament is very difficult to read because it’s a lot of genealogy, and I thought what can be learned from that? As a new believer, I didn’t know where to go to read the parts that would help me with what I was going through.

That’s when I got my daily bible that has the Bible broken down into daily sections. It includes part of the Old Testament, New Testament, psalms and proverbs. A much better way for me to read the bible as a beginner.

It helps me to get more of an overview of the Bible and get an idea of where to go if I feel I need help with something specific. I do tend to google what scriptures will help with a certain struggle I’m going through at that time.

Going Forward

I’d like to really nail down the implementation of reading the Bible into my morning routine and also be disciplined enough to watch only one video while I eat my tea and then switch off my laptop.

I have a few faith-based and clean films on DVD I can watch on a weekend if I want to watch something instead of journaling, or doing a devotional.

I have been meaning to clear out all the DVDs that no longer suit me in this season and now seems an ideal time.

Everything is a work in progress and after the last year. I’m giving myself a lot of grace with this transition.

New habits and behaviours take time and what we would like to do may not actually serve us, so we need to tweak them. That’s okay.

If you’re going through a time of change, be gentle with yourself. Remember to rest. Remember to look after yourself and listen to your body and what it needs.