Reordering My Priorities

“There is need of only one thing.  Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:42 

New Revised Standard Version

Hello, and welcome to The Better Part podcast with me, Carol.  In this episode, I update you on some things that have been happening and open up about some recent therapy and quiet time insights.  

I have finally uncovered, or at least begun to discover, the foundations of where my negative and limiting beliefs come from.  It has not been fun or easy, but I know it will help me in the long run. I will be glad when I’m done with it!!!

When you listen to the episode, I would really appreciate it if you could leave a rating, share it on Instagram and tag @thebetterpartpodcast, so I can share your post and thank you for listening.

This is going to be a slightly different episode.  Instead of being on one theme, this episode covers a few different topics of what God has been teaching me lately. Therapy has also uncovered a lot of things for me over the last few months. 

I feel the need to expand the concept of The Better Part, and I recently thought of either starting a new podcast to match my blog name, Stories From My Life, or rebranding this one. Then I had a nudge from God one day while I was getting ready one morning; about how Mary chose the better part. 

She chose to do something better and against the norm. I thought, what would I begin to share about how I’m starting to choose better things for myself as I slowly shed my secular life and beliefs as I grow in my faith? And how I’m improving mentally and the lifestyle choices I’m making as a result of that healing. It’s all a part of -  The Better Part.  

Luke 12:34

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Through my current therapy, I’ve realised that because I had little to no control over my life growing up, the thing I could control was my room.  My mum was born after the end of the war, so it was a make-do and mend, and keep it because it may be helpful at some point mentality I grew up with.  Then I studied art and design for many years, where everyday items can be incorporated into art so that I would hoard stuff.  Consequently, I would keep hold of things in case they became helpful at some point, but they rarely, if ever, did.

Hoarding things, for me, is a form of control.  If I can't control my life or what's happening in it or to me, I can control my environment.  Or at least think that I can, but things quickly get out of control and turn into hoarding - for want of a better word - crap that is of little to no use, or I just don’t need to keep it.  

It can also be seen as idolatry.  With hoarding things of this world, my focus is being shifted from God and to the things of this world.

1 John 2:15 – “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

Now I’ve also recently uncovered that I form an attachment to the stuff I keep.  Because I didn't feel attached to and from my family growing up, I have that attachment towards ‘things.’  That’s incredibly unhealthy, unhelpful and also sad. 

Matthew 6:24 – “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”

I need to refocus, and I recently had a nugget of wisdom shared while I was doing my quiet time; “I don’t need ‘stuff’. I only need God and Jesus. With them, I have all I need.  Clear out everything else.’ 

And also to reframe how I think about clearing things out.  Instead of ‘What do I need?’  Switch it to; ‘What DON’T I need?’

That sounds like an easier plan of action and less overwhelming, at least in the beginning stages of clearing things out that I definitely don’t need so that I can then see what’s left and then begin to eliminate things.  

2 Corinthians 5:17 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

I’ve never known who I truly am because of being told lies about myself and making to feel negative about myself.  Now at 47 years of age, I’m trying to learn God’s truth of who I am and who He designed me to be.

Where do I find who I am in Christ?  I find out who I am in the bible.  But I don’t know it well enough yet to know where to look specifically, so I went to Google and found a post on Crosswalk.com, the link is in the description, with scriptures that I will copy into my small scripture notebook that is in my handbag, so I have evidence on my of who I am, easily to hand to read regularly.

I also need to learn who our enemy is and his characteristics because if I know who God made me to be and who I am in Christ because if I know who God is and who the enemy is I will be able to discern better where thoughts are coming from, and I can fight back better and be less susceptible to the enemy's tactics.

So Who am I in Christ?

I was the lost sheep that the shepherd went searching for to bring back to Him.   

He knew me, loved me and had my life planned out even before he created the world.

He has created me for a purpose to fulfil His plans for my life. (It might be nice to have an occasional clue about that, though, God. Just saying.)

He knows me so intimately that He knows how many hairs are on my head.

He sent his only son to die for me so I could personally have a relationship with Him.

I am His beloved daughter.  

I am precious to him, more precious than the birds.  

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Colossians 3:12

One big issue uncovered over the last few therapy sessions is that I lack self-compassion.  As I grew up, I believed that my needs didn't matter and, as a result, I was unloveable, not good enough, or clever enough, and that love was conditional.

This means that I also struggle with giving compassion to others because I don't know what it is.  

I always thought I struggled to form lasting friendships because I moved a few times when I was younger due to my dad being in the army.  We were moving, or those we were in contact with were moving.  Consequently, I’m so used to short-form friendships that when you're in one place for many years, I’ve no idea what happens with long-term ones.  

But maybe it’s because I lack compassion that I don’t let people get too close, and they don’t want to get close to me.   

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13

We’ve been doing an Alpha course at my church, and we reached the first of three videos on the holy spirit, and at the end, during the group discussion, the pastor mentioned how the holy spirit slowly changes us.  

I can feel how that's changed me the last few years since becoming a Christian, but I mentioned how it's difficult to see a change in me over the last fifteen years since I left my ex.  Especially when I'm in therapy, again, on antidepressants for my mental health, again, and still trying to heal the same issues.  

It’s exhausting and seemingly never-ending.  Will I ever fix it?

One of the members in the Alpha group said how strong I am and how it's a good thing.  I thanked her and pointed out that because I've felt like I've never had anyone to rely on growing up because my needs didn't matter, so I've had no choice but to be strong as I could only rely on myself.  

I’m struggling to learn how to start to rely on others, to let them in and trust them.

Trust is so difficult for me. 

When I trusted people in the past and thought I could rely on them, they hurt me.  So I stopped trusting and relying on people.  I see myself as closed off to protect myself from being hurt. So it was nice of her to say that. 

The strong part is a good thing, but the reasons for it aren’t. 

Don’t you realise that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself,

1 Corinthians 6:19

Last year’s shedding of secular tv and books has continued to my consuming only faith-based tv shows, films, and fiction and non-fiction books.  As a result, I’m starting to have another clear out of everything. But being the most ruthless I’ve ever been, I want to get a skip and chuck everything I don’t want or need into it. 

I’m not going to do that, so I’m boxing up all my secular books, DVD and CDs for storage, as I or someone might have a use for some of them.  I may even want them later this year or next; I will hold onto some of these things for now.

I will have another clothes clear out of what no longer fits, is unwearable, or no longer suits my vibe as a believer.  Doing all that will be a significant change and make more space for things so that I have more of an idea about what I have, use and need.  

To change a behaviour or shed off an old habit, you must know WHY you do what you do.  Then with that insight, you can look at how you can work on changing it or even stopping it.  

Philippians 2:2

Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

Ecclesiastes 7:8

Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.

I’ve been single for the last ten years now with a few dates in there but no relationships.  In my prayer time, I've been asking God about that recently in my prayers - am I going to be single forever, or does He have someone planned for me?

I was praying about this recently, and before I’d even got any words out, I heard, “Soon.  Not yet.”  okay, God.  

I've had that a few times whenever I think about whether God has someone for me.  

If you're like me and LOVE The Chosen TV show, the word ‘soon’ may have made you smile, as it did when I heard God say it to me about this prayer.

I know it's all His plan and timing, but I occasionally want to try and hurry things alone on my own.  But by doing that, I’m saying that my way is better, that I know better and that I don’t trust God with things.

1 Corinthians 10:31

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

I’ve never enjoyed cooking, especially when I’ve been at work all day and come home, and the pots need washing and food needs cooking while my boyfriend of the time was sitting playing online games and had either been home all day or for a good few hours. 

I was working a full day on my feet in a busy store, and when I came home, I would be expected to wash and cook when I got in.  Is it any wonder we ended up having quick, easy repeat meals?  I didn't have the brain power or will to think of other meals, let alone cook them!  For the last few years of our relationship, I was also travelling to work and home on a 40-minute bus ride to work and the same home.  And then to be expected to have the energy or thought capacity to cook something more than salad potatoes with baked beans and cheese or soup?!  

I cook because I need to eat.  It's usually been easy, convenient food that I can put in the oven for 20 minutes and maybe cook some veg or baked beans on the hob to go with it.  An easy go-to is pasta with a stir-in sauce because I always cook extra pasta and make a few extra meals for work dinners.  

I don't really remember cooking with my mum growing up; we often baked cakes and fairy cakes but never cooked.  If you have any, that's something worth doing with your children, having them in the kitchen with you while you cook, allowing them to help you cut up vegetables, stir the pan etc.  That way, they know what is in their meal and what it is like to cook it.  They’ll take pride in helping out and may be less likely to be fussy eaters, maybe.  I don’t have kids, so can’t say for definite about this theory. If any of you listening to this try this, let me know if it works.   

Now that the weather has finally decided to be warmer and sunnier here in the UK, I’m choosing healthier foods. Also, as I’m eight therapy sessions in and beginning to heal, I want to eat a little better than I was over the last few months.

I’m getting back into food prepping. It takes an hour or two to prepare all the food for my evening meals so that I can put some of the prepped food into a bowl and eat. No more wondering what I’m going to eat or working out what I can be bothered to cook when I get in from work.  

“Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

Romans 12:2

“‘If you can,” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

Mark 9:23

Something that I’ve started doing this past few weeks is taking my Kindle to bed to read because I always end up on my phone scrolling instead of reading the physical book by my bed or journaling. 

I’ve no Christian novels to read that aren’t on my Kindle, as that’s what’s easiest for me to read before bed right now. I was reading The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, but it’s maybe not the best style of nighttime read for me in this season of intense therapy. 

I’m finding reading my Kindle much better than scrolling on my phone, which we all know isn’t conducive to a good night's sleep. 

Last year I discovered the Christian fiction writer Lisa Wingate and recently came across Kristen Harper.  Their writing styles are very similar, and both have multiple books in a series set in the same place but with different characters; the focus of each book with some of the previous ones mentioned.  

The first book by Lisa Wingate that I read was The Prayer Box, and I absolutely LOVED that one! There’s a few in the series, and I think I have one more to read. 

As I mentioned, I’m reading before bed again and reading while I have breakfast, which I have done for a long while now; I’m reading during the afternoon when I’m off work.  I’m on what I think is book sixteen for the year!  I can’t remember if I re-read one from last year or not, so I’m not counting it.  

Fifteen finished books!!! That’s crazy!  It’s the most books I can ever remember reading in six months.  If I continue at this rate, then I could read almost thirty books by the end of the year! 

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,

1 Timothy 2:9

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 

I’m being led to dress more modestly. 

I’ve stopped painting my nails and toenails, not that I often painted them as working in retail; they get chipped quickly and easily. My toenails were usually always pained, though.   

I’ve not worn revealing or low-cut tops for a while now, and most certainly not out of the house.  I may have worn something low-ish cut for a photo shoot last year, but this being aware of dressing more modestly change has only happened in the past few months., so there will be more changes to come.  When I go through them, many of my clothes will be donated because they are no longer suitable for how I want to dress.  

I also don’t want to wear my ripped jeans, which have a few small holes up past my knees.  I’ve loved these jeans in the past, but the last few times I've worn them, I've not felt that comfortable.  I want jeans that don’t have holes that far up.  I’m still wearing them if I have no other option because I can’t afford to buy any new ones just yet.  

Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Ephesians 5:16

Psalm 31:15 

My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. 

Ecclesiastes 9:10

When I’m debating about doing something, like making my overnight oats for my breakfast the next morning, I asked myself, ‘Would future me thank past me for doing this?’  And that’s helping me to get things done, even the little things like making my breakfast the night before or not. Because I know I love my overnight oats and prefer them to my cereal. I look forward to my breakfast when I’ve made my oats. 

Lately, one thing I've started to do is if something needs doing, like something putting away, instead of saying that I will get to it later, I’m trying to do it then and there if I can.  It’s not always feasible, but the fact that I’m becoming more aware of it and starting to do it helps.  Any new habit or behaviour takes time; it needs to be practised.

I’m reminded of a quote that’s attributed to Albert Einstein; “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” 

As you can see, I’m reordering my priorities in many things, so my Better Part has been making better choices of what I eat, what content I consume, how I dress and how I spend my time.  

Thank you so much for listening to this episode.  If you think this could benefit someone else, please share it and don’t forget to subscribe so that you never miss an episode. 

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See you next time, friends.