Friday, February 12

I was inspired to write this post after something one of my church pastor's text me this week; "We can all start to feel alone, but we are all still together even when apart, zoom really helps with this ;)" It resonated so much with me and shook me out of my feelings of woe is me that I was getting stuck in that day.

This third lockdown is tough. It seems so much tougher than the first one, most likely because it seems to have been going on since March last year instead of since early January this year. I'm really missing being around people every day and I'm fed up with seeing people in 2D on my computer screen.

I'm still processing the last year and it's a lot to try and get my head around. Friends and family are asking how they can help me but I'm still struggling to work through the sludge of all my thoughts so I can't articulate to them what I need.

On Wednesday afternoon I had an hour had half zoom call with a good friend from church, where we just had a really good catch up. We talked about whats going on with me and through our chat we uncovered a few things that explain why I'm struggling so much right now. Being a new Christian has a set of challenges, I'm still overcoming my trauma from my ex and there's a third thing that's going on, but I'm not ready to share with you what it is just yet.

As an extroverted introvert, I need to be around people to lift my mood by interacting with people but then shut the door on the world at the end of the day to recharge my batteries for the following day. Because we're unable to meet as we used to, I'm struggling to lift my mood and so I'm just 'meh' all the time. I'm needing much more rest and downtime of chilling out and as a consequence, I've not been at all productive as I was last month.

I'm listening to what my body needs and resting a lot but I'm missing being creative and expressing myself through my writings on here and over on my Instagram. The last two blog posts were ones I'd pulled from the drafts folder from last year as I wasn't up to writing posts from scratch the last few weeks.

It's really easy at this time to feel more alone than we actually are because we're seeing fewer people and unable to interact as we once did, it's deceptive very to us. We still have people around us, just that they are on a screen in 2D instead of them physically being in front of us. They're 2M away, instead of standing right beside us, they don't love us any less because we're forced to keep our physical distance. They still want the best for us as they always have and they're still praying for us and cheering us on with all we're doing and achieving.

I know I'm not the only one struggling with this right now. And I also know its a lot easier said than done when I say; remember you're not alone.

It's ok to have a bad day, or a few bad days together. But it's important that we try to reach out and ask for help from those who support us the most. That while we rest and look after ourselves, that we start to look at how we can help ourselves come out of this funk. And ask; what needs to change? How can I attain that? What's the first step I need to take?

This week after an hour and a half long zoom catch up with a church friend, I reached out to one of the church pastor's (the one who sent me the message at the top of this blog post) and arranged to meet him and his wife at the church for a chat. That morning, I received a really lovely and thoughtful postcard through the post from another church friend and that night I led the most amazing Visio Divina during our weekly spiritual journal zoom that I have ever been a part of!

I realised as I started to settle down to sleep that I have an amazing church community and that I'd also had another awesome community which is within the shop and within the company where I've worked for the last fourteen years. I'd never thought of my work colleagues, as a community before, but as I reflected on this week and how my church family have rallied around me when I needed them the most, that I'd also had that experience over the last fourteen years.

It's amazing how we can experience something daily and not acknowledge what it truly is. Because we're still in the third lockdown here in the UK, I'm evaluating the last few years and it's making me see things in a whole new light. I've had so much support and encouragement from my work colleagues both in the shop and while working away on shop fits helping to set up new stores for the company, that I'm so grateful that I got to work with all those I have and do, it's amazing how a bit of distance can alter your perspective of things.

This morning I remembered about a handful of cards that some of my church family have sent me over the last year or so and I decided to gather them all together into one place so that whenever I feel down and alone, I can read them one by one and it will remind me that I am NOT alone and that I AM loved. They're currently in a none too aesthetic plastic wallet for now until I can find something better to put them in.

What do you do to remind you you're not alone when you feel down?