It's been a few weeks since I've been back at work and out onto the world after the second UK lockdown. My anxiety ramped up the few days leading up coming out of it with a couple of bad nights sleep, increased heart rate and feeling like I couldn't catch my breath. It helped me to know why I was more anxious after the four weeks off work and the prospect of being back out in the world. Winter and especially Christmas is the busiest time of year for the company I work for, so I was feeling the pressure of going from one extreme to the other; barely seeing anyone and not being on my feet all day to being around crowds of people and walking over 10 thousand steps a day. I know I’m blessed that I've still got a job and very understanding and encouraging management and colleagues.

I was in a much better place mentally going into the second lockdown and knowing that it wasn't meant to last as long as the first one, where we thought it was only going to be for a few weeks and ended up feeling like it was never going to end. I was much more motivated during the second one and having worked on my mental health and learned a lot about myself and others behaviours and actions during the first one. I also knew more about what to expect this time, so I planned my days ahead of time and didn't feel bad if I wasn't up to doing much some days.

I finally published this blog having worked on it over the first one and never put it live as I thought there was still a lot of things that needed doing to it, but it turns out there wasn't. I also planned my social media posts, I started a Facebook page, I deep cleaned my kitchen, living room and bathroom, sorted out my mum and brother's Christmas gifts and decorated for Christmas a few days before lockdown 2.0 came to an end.

My first few days back at work was a lot. My anxiety was very high and I didn't feel like I accomplished anything. I felt very flaky and unproductive, but I know that's because I was so focused on what my anxiety was doing to my body. Unfocused mind and unable to catch my breath. Pounding heart. All of that. There was a lot going on for me as well as being back at work and busier than when we went into lockdown because it was now early December. There had been management changes within the few weeks before lockdown so lots of dynamics had changed.

It, therefore, took me a couple of weeks to settle back into the work/life routine which is why there's not been a blog for the past few weeks. It can take a few days to write and edit a blog post and as my energy levels were very low I did what I could to conserve my energy for work. I knew it was going to be more challenging this time as it was three weeks till Christmas when we went back to work and we would have the regular customers plus the extra ones shopping for Christmas gifts.

It's now the weekend before Christmas and it doesn't seem real. It feels more like it should be June or July because the year has been so disjointed I really can't believe it's now so close to Christmas. Does anyone else feel that as well?