Forgiving Myself For the Things That I’m Struggling With

Over the past few months, I have been learning to give myself more grace.  I’ve been in my new job for a little over six months now and I have still been struggling with the adjustment which has been frustrating for me.  I keep thinking that I should be better than this, that I should be able to manage better, that things should have settled down by now.  

I can’t expect myself to do what I used to because I knew my last job inside out as I’d been there so long and everything is so different in this new job.  But what I HAVE accomplished in the last six months is amazing.  

I need to remember a few key things though.

I’m measuring myself up against who I was pre-lockdown and the me who had been in a job for fourteen years against the me who I am now, in a brand new job with a company I’ve never worked for selling things I’ve not sold before.  Having been through three national lockdowns in eighteen months, so I've been so used to staying home and not seeing or speaking to many people, that when things started to open up at the same time as I was starting my new job, my anxiety was bound to kick back up a notch.  Or two.  

I did an amazing amount of work in therapy last year during the first lockdown, and that work will continue to be done over the next few years.  I'm not the person I was even a few months ago, subsequently, I need to realise that I am doing the best I can under these very unusual circumstances, and my best is good enough.  I'm so used to doing things one way or within a certain time frame, but because of the year we’ve all had, I’m unable to do some things in the same way or within the same timescale.  

During the transition time of starting my new job, I stopped doing a few things with my church family, like the Tuesday night Bible Connect group, the Thursday night Soul Care sessions and I also stopped going to church because I was finding it difficult to find my footing doing it all.  

This is where grace comes in. I CAN still do things, I just need to learn to do them in a different way or be open to doing them at a different time.  I have an amazing support network through, friends, family and my church family. I really don't know where I would be if I didn't have my faith or church family over the last eighteen months.

This past few weeks I’ve made a decision to restart joining back in by going back to church on a Sunday morning and a few Tuesday nights, I’ve attended Bible Connect group.  I also went to the Church’s coffee morning for the local community and whoever else wants to pop by as it was a MacMillian Coffee Morning.

It was so rewarding to see and speak to people from the local community as well as some of my church family.  I almost didn’t go as I’d woken up late so I then decided to stay home and work on this blog post but then a friend messaged me that they were going.  It was at that point that I saw another message in the Church’s WhatsApp group reminding everyone it was the MacMillan coffee morning.  So I quickly had some of the pasta leftovers I’d got out for my lunch, before getting changed and heading out for tea, cake and community for a few hours.  

Grace includes knowing my needs and limits, mainly knowing when I’ve had too much of being around people and need some quiet time and solitude.  It’s being kind to myself and treating myself with love and respect.  It’s also not beating myself up about not being up to doing something that I have done before, even if I’ve done it many times in the past.  It’s perfectly okay to take things day by day.  

I have to remember how far I have come in the last six months.  I’ve done amazing!!!  I’ve done something that I hadn’t truly seen myself doing and that is getting a new job and moving from the company I had been with for the last fourteen years.  That is huge!!!  I’d been applying for jobs and having some interviews on and off over the last few years, but nothing was for me which was disheartening at the time.  I know though that those jobs weren’t for me and that He would provide for me.  That He had a job in mind for me and all I had to do was be patient and listen to His nudges when it was time.

I have to remind myself whenever I’m struggling with doing something whether it’s for the very first time or if it’s the first time in a while, that we’re still living in unprecedented times.  We’re still reeling from the last two years and we’re all doing the best that we can under these very unusual circumstances.  And, my best is good enough.  I may not always manage the tasks on my to-do list and I may get my groceries delivered a few times instead of driving for them.  That is okay.  I am doing my best.  

We’re all struggling with things and all while also recovering from the pandemic lockdowns so we need to stop being so hard on ourselves and others.   

Give others and yourself grace.  You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.