The past few months have been filled with a lot of introspection and growth for me. It’s still been an adjustment to being back at work and being in a completely different job than I am used to. It’s been 27 weeks since I uploaded a blog and I did not intend it to be so long in between uploads.

As I mentioned in my last post, I was struggling with thinking that I wasn't good enough for the job I have now with having an individual target and my inability to close sales and hit my targets for six weeks. But slowly and surely with some extra training and going back to the beginning and starting again I started to make slow and steady progress week on week.

It culminated in my passing my training on July 18th before I had a week off to rest and recuperate. I'd booked the week off ages ago regardless of whether I passed or not, if I hadn’t passed then my training would be extended for an additional few weeks. I was prepared for that eventuality though and was expecting that outcome.

I was SO excited and pleased with myself for passing the training that it made it all the sweeter for me because I was so inconsistent with hitting my targets for so many weeks. After my first week off in twelve weeks, I was back at work and after each sale, I realised that I’d forgotten some of the basics which I then worked on for the next one. Slowly things began clocking back into place and I was succeeding again.

My worth does not come from my successes.

It’s difficult in today’s society especially with social media being so prevalent in our lives, not to compare ourselves to others and also to believe the negative things people say about us more than life before social media. We used to hear what people had said about us from a third party or we’d be told to our face, but now it's able to be written down in black and white for the world to see.

My worth does not come from others

Our worth SHOULDN'T come from strangers who don’t know us in real life or even people who do know us in real life. Our worth should come from one person and one person alone; God. He made us in His image and He made us perfect in His eyes. We don’t need to do things to please other people, we just need to live our righteous lives and share how awesome He is and tell everyone the amazing things that He has done in our lives.

I see myself as less than. My Heavenly Father does not. He sees me as brave, kind, strong, courageous, a light in the darkness, beautiful, loving, caring, amazing, inspirational and capable. I’m slowly starting to see myself through His eyes and as a consequence, see my true self as He made me.

I am a blessing to those that know me, I am wonderfully made in His image.

Those that put me down all those times, could see my true worth and they were scared of it, so they made me believe the lies that they told me about myself to make themselves feel better and so that I would feel less than them. They were trying to deny me my righteousness and they have failed.

I’ve been journaling a lot the last few months and began to re-implement some positive habits that I had stopped doing. One thing is I’m catching up on The Messy Masterpiece Podcast episodes that I fell behind with and I am now back up to date with it. It’s helping me to get back into His word and listen to Him more again. I'm also participating more in the Master's Fam discord chats that we have.

These last two weeks have been my worst so far sales-wise where everyone has needed to think about their purchase or they aren't ready to buy yet, but it's okay. Some weeks will be like this in this job. All I can do is move on to the next customer and give the same excellent service that I give to everyone.

I could have so easily started to spiral down in thoughts of inadequacy, uselessness and unworthiness. But I didn’t. I took each day as I came, each customer as they came and by Saturday of the first week, I had done a few sales and managed to do about half of my target. It wasn’t anything that I was doing wrong. I am also still learning my new job and there’s much more to it than my previous one. I am learning to read the customer’s vibes which will come more with time. I’m already getting better at knowing when they aren’t serious about buying at that moment, so the next step is looking for the signals that they are ready to buy.

It’s only been nineteen weeks since I started this new job and six since I graduated from the training so I can’t expect to know everything all at once. I have done amazing so far and am so proud of all that I have accomplished in this short amount of time.

My worth does not come from my job.

My worth comes from how my heavenly Father sees me.

He made me perfectly, holy and righteous and in His image.

I need to focus on that.