By the time this blog goes up, it's going to be three weeks since I last posted.  It wasn't meant to be such a long break, but as some of you may know I've been having a few bad days here and there, which turned into a few bad weeks and a couple of bad months.  I'm going to start uploading here every two weeks and see how I go for a bit so I've got a bit longer to plan, write and edit blog posts than a week while things are a bit more of a challenge for me.  If you keep reading things will be explained to you.

A few weeks ago I self-referred myself for some more CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) help and then I phoned the doctors to let them know I'd done that so that they can put it on my records.  Where we are we have a Minds Matter that people can self-refer themselves to for mental health help.  Two weeks later I got a confirmation letter about a triage call to see what sort of help I need.  Within the letter was a questionnaire I had to fill in before the call which I'd done ready for last week.

My anxiety has been much worse in the past few weeks with more stresses at work.  I often feel like I can't breathe because my breaths are so quick and shallow.  One day at work this month I had a cry in the ladies because I really felt like I needed to.  I can't pinpoint a specific thing that I was upset about I was just fed up of everything.  I feel like I've been strong for far too long and it's all become too much for me just now.

My sleeping is all over the place as well.  I'd recently said how I've been sleeping much better, well I have been in general but over the last few weeks I've woken up a handful of times at a silly early time and it's been a struggle to get back to sleep and a couple of those times I've had to get up and get a peppermint tea to try and get back to sleep.  It's definitely not ideal to wake at four am and not be able to get back to sleep because I'm really struggling for energy right now.

A few weeks ago I was getting between six and nine hours of sleep averaging at around 8 which is up about an hour in the last month from what I was getting previously.  I'm now wondering if my longer sleeps are actually down to my anxiety and my needing more help rather than the sleep routine I've been doing.  I'm still doing the sleep routine though.

The results of the triage call are that I scored high on depression and anxiety and I also mentioned during the call that I've been having flashbacks again lately. By the time this post is live, I'll have had a call back from Minds Matter about what help they recommend for me.  It was discussed about me having a few CBT sessions, see how I go and then the possibility of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) light therapy treatment as well for the flashbacks.  The CBT sessions, however, might be enough to help with the flashbacks so we shall see what is decided and happens.  It will most likely be about January when I have my first one. I just want to take his opportunity to thank you all for reading this and especially those who keep coming back regularly to read my posts.  Please feel free to comment on my posts and follow me over on my Instagram and say you've come over from here.