Monday, April 25th 2020

I noted in my journal this morning that it's going to be really strange once we are allowed out more.  In the last four weeks of the lockdown, the only people I've talked to in real life are; my housemate who's been away since the first week of the lockdown, a couple of my neighbours, the people on the till at the supermarket each time I've been, a couple of delivery drivers and I think that's it.  Usually, I speak to dozens of people during my day at work, so the drastic drop off in-real-life human interaction has been hitting me hard.  

I've had calls with my mum, a friend from the church as well as a few church Zoom calls for our Good Friday message and a couple of Bible Connect meetings as well, but it's really not the same as seeing people in person.  During a workday, I'm able to chat with my colleagues about anything that's bothering me and they help me work some things out if I need their advice or they just listen while I vent my thoughts and frustrations about something.  I, in turn, do the same with them.

My brain really isn't with it today. This morning I began brewing a cup of tea and then I forgot about it and suddenly remembered about it half an hour later. Just now I made another brew and I left it on the worktop in the kitchen ... I really have no idea why my brain just isn't working today. Is it because it's not being challenged like it usually is? I'm trying to not spend time scrolling Instagram ... or distracting myself with watching YouTube videos, DVDs or streaming sites like Netflix or Disney+. Instead, I'm trying to read, journal, be active by doing some tasks around the house or do jigsaws. Maybe I need to get a new puzzle book to occupy my brain.

Maybe I also need to force myself out of the house more. I've really been struggling with leaving the house for a walk the last few weeks.  My anxiety means I don't want to leave the house because something 'bad' might happen, which I have no idea about.  But with COVID-19 there is actually something really scary outside that could hurt me.  I'm using what precautions I can to keep myself and others safe, however, in the supermarket its not always easy to stay six feet away from other people.

So what are my ideas for what I want to do other than those three things I mentioned earlier?  Short term, it will be driving again more, to get back to my church, to meet up with friends again.  But what about more long term things?  I would like to see what other job opportunities are out there for me, outside of retail, to continue my walks outside and even walk through some of the parks we have here.  And I would also like a few days away somewhere, either this year or early next year, time and finances depending. 

For the rest of my furlough, however, I'm going to make more of an effort to go for walks; two or three a week, continue to weed my garden so it's even nicer to sit out in, continue my clear-out which I've been doing on and off for the last few years and give my home a deep clean.  Tomorrow I’m hoping to go through my kitchen cupboards and see what food is out of date, give the shelves a wipe down and reorganise things. I'm also going to finish this post by adding the photos, giving it a final read-through before scheduling it to go up this Sunday. 

What are you planning on doing when you're able to get out more?